Family Guy of Cybertron
by DaemonicKitten
Summary: Autobot Pranks spin off. A series of one-shots where Autobots, and sometimes Decepticons, find themselves in Family Guy situations. Not always caused by pranks. Hilarity and Insanity ensue!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer** : I don't own it.

**Note** : Collaboration with **Gixxer Pilot**.

**Note 2** : IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ!

Ok, so since my Autobot Pranks fiction is getting so long, I thought... Why not do a separate one for the Family Guy inspired chapters? After all, they are not ALL based on pranks, either. Basically, it's just Family Guy scenes integrated into Transformers, the movie-verse, with the added characters of my Autobot Pranks. Also, a few of these chapters might be losely based on chapters is above mentioned fic, so if you're confused, reading those will help.

More or less this fiction should be able to stand on it's own.

**Summary** : Autobot Pranks spin off. A series of one-shots where Autobots, and sometimes Decepticons, find themselves in Family Guy situations. Not always caused by pranks. Hilarity and Insanity ensue!

**Legend** :

"Speaking"

_Thoughts_

_**Notes/Messages/Lyrics**_

**Flashbacks/Visions/Dreams**

**(Scene/POV Changes)**

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**(Normal POV)**

Starscream growled lowly as he bowed in front of Megatron. "I understand, my lord." _Even if I'm going to get you back for this._ Standing up again, he waited until he was dismissed, and left, all the while grumbling about his horrible luck. _And this is one of those occasions I _wouldn't_ mind if Megatron wanted to offline me._

"I still don't understand how _I_ got drawn into it." The hulking black form of Barricade snarled as he stretched out his claws and glared at the three in front of him.

"Suck it up." Skywarp hissed, rolling his optics.

"Trust me, we're not all that happy about it, either." Thundercracker added, sneering down at the cruiser.

"You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time." Starscream added, smirking. "But at least that works for _us_."

There was a low growl. "Yes, because my job is amusing _you_ three. How _did_ you get yourselves in so much trouble, anyways?" He tilted his head and folded his arms over his chest as he regarded the trio of seekers.

The other two seekers locked optics on Starscream, who ducked his head a little and muttered something. Seeing the pointed glare on Barricade's face, however, he snarled lowly. "I used the Auto-scum's override chip to have Megatron make a fool out of himself." _Though how he managed to escape Autobot capture is beyond me. And here I thought we were finally rid of that fragger._

"Exactly." Thundercracker rolled his optics, but his lip plates twitched slightly. "Wish I could've seen it."

"'Cracker!" 'Warp's optics went wide.

"What? I do!"

Starscream smirked a little, before groaning. "Come on, we have our orders. Barricade, you come up with the...uh....song, I suppose." He twitched a little, before sagging in on himself. "I would have much preferred being slagged."

"We all would. What self-respecting Decepticon would _want_ to humiliate themselves in front of the Autobots and their pathetic, organic fleshbag friends?" 'Cracker's optics darkened. "Maybe we can corner one of them alone and offline them afterwards? No one would find out about our..._humiliating_ experience."

Skywarp shook his head. "You heard Megatron. We're to find as large a group of Autobots as possible, and then, urg...perform, and then leave. We don't engage otherwise."

"Makes us sitting ducks."

"How is that? We're seekers, not feathered fowl, and I don't think I've ever heard of a 'sitting' duck."

Barricade rolled his optics, even as he began scanning the internet for a good song. He was already given guidelines to follow, and began scrolling through the list of available songs that filled those guidelines while the seekers argued amongst themselves.

Starscream shook his head before jumping into the air and transforming. "Can it, you two. We've got orders to fill, and you _know_ Megatron's going to be watching. Let's go." He sighed as the other two seekers transformed, and Barricade slowly did the same. "We'll need to take the highways so our land-bound comrade doesn't get lost." He shot off, smirking when Barricade's engine roared in irritation.

As they disappeared off, Megatron began laughing in his throne room.

_Lets see how _they_ like it._

**(A Few Hours Later)**

Starscream was close to calling it quits for the day, and dealing with whatever punishment Megatron was sure to deal out with. They'd been circling Tranquility, Mission City, and even did a fly by of the Hoover Dam, trying to spot the signal of at least _one_ Autobot.

In their near desperation of their mission being successful, they even sent Barricade to Samuel Witwicky's house, only to have the cruiser return with dents, grumbling at them about evil fleshback femme creators, and insist Sam wasn't home.

They were seriously about to call it quits when Skywarp suddenly disappeared.

_**'Wha-Hey!'**_ Starscream froze and began looking around, followed by 'Cracker. _**'Ok, where'd you go?'**_

_**'If we can't find them, we'll just have to make them come to us.'**_

Optics widened in horror. _**'Are you off your processors! If we kill any of their precious humans, they'll offline us before we get a chance to perform the mission!'**_

_**'Who said anything about killing fleshbags?'**_

There was another pop, and Skywarp reappeared. He stopped over a thickly wooded area, transformed, and grabbed for his weapons. Powering them up, he scanned the area before letting lose a blast that tore a good chunk of the forest to shred and set up a hefty fire. There were no residences around, so the seekers and newly transformed Barricade sat back and waited, knowing Autobot scanners would detect the energy signature on the weapons fire from miles away.

**(With the Autobots)**

Optimus' engine rumbled loudly, startling the camaro in front of him. _**'Autobots, I'm picking up Decepticon weapons energy some distance ahead.'**_

_**'Should we check it out?'**_ Ironhide rumbled in excitement from behind the semi, speeding up so he was on his leader's aft almost. _**'They could be up to no good.'**_

_**'When has a Decepticon **_**ever**_** been up to good?'**_ Ratchet shot, his sirens blasting as he pulled around the others to drive alongside Optimus. Luckily, they were on a four lane highway that was otherwise unoccupied. _**'We should check it out.'**_

_**'Agreed. Autobots, keep your guard up. Sensors indicate several Decepticon energy signals. We're to do recon and only engage if absolutely necessary. Bumblebee will watch over the humans. Autobots, roll out!'**_

The large convoy of disguised Autobots began speeding off towards the energy signature. They all kept their guard up, not having the faintest idea what they were going to find, but as they rolled to the edge of the highway and transformed, they all stared at the seekers and cruiser who appeared to be...waiting...for them?

"It's about time!" Starscream growled. "If you'd been any slower I might _just _have given the order to attak a human city."

"What do you want, Starscream."

"To be as _far_ away from you lot as possible." The seeker grunted a little, moving to stand between his comrades. "Unfortunately, orders are orders." He growled when many of the Autobots armed themselves at his words. "Oh, relax, I'm not here for a fight." He sighed and lowered his head, praying that a stray meteor would fall out of the sky and crush him into space dust.

Apparently he didn't have that kind of luck.

Looking back up, he glanced over at Barricade expectantly, and when the cruiser sent him the data pack, very nearly offlined himself right there and then. Identical groans from the other two seekers only seemed to agree with that feeling.

"Lets get this over with."

The music started, and Starscream couldn't even bring himself to look his foes in the face, he was so humiliated. His usual cannon transformed into a microphone, and he glared at the ground until his cue.

_**Just a small town girl**_

_**Living in a lonely world**_

_**She took the midnight train going anywhere.**_

Several of the Autobots had to blink, and then wondered if there was something going around. Prowl's head smoked and his optics seemed to dim and brighten, but he managed, _somehow_, to stay on his feet, even if he _was_ swaying wildly.

Starscream suddenly grabbed Skywarp, who looked like he was seriously considering running for his spark, and pulled him forward.

"No, 'Screamer! Don't make me do th-" He suddenly grabbed the microphone.

_**Just a city boy**_

_**Born and raised in South Detroit**_

_**He took the midnight train going anywhere**_

Sam and Mikeala were in hysterics in Bee's one hand, and Will and Epps weren't much better in his other, while the majority of the Autobots just stared. A few of the younglings began sniggering, but for the most part, the elder mechs could only stare in horrified shock.

It didn't help the voices issuing forth from the vocal processors didn't belong to the singers, but to characters from a local television show that was popular to humans, 'Family Guy'. It appeared Starscream was 'Peter', Skywarp was 'Cleveland'...

"Oh, Primus! I _love_ this song!" Jazz clapped his claws together, before laughing at the incredulous looks a lot of the Autobots shot him, and the beyond lethal glares the Decepticons were shooting him. "What? I do!"

_**Some will win, some will lose! **_

_**Some were born to sing the blues!**_

Everyone began laughing as Thundercracker more screamed the lyrics, rather than singing them. He was apparently 'Joe'.

_**Oh the movie never ends**_

_**It goes on and on and on and on- Giggity, giggity, giggity, go!**_

Barricade got right into it, singing with the others. He was obviously 'Quagmire', and his singing caused the humans to laugh even harder. The seekers stood behind him, clasing hands and swaying back and forth as they got right into the music.

_**Street light...**_

The singing stopped as Starscream shook himself out of the song with a growl. His cooling jets were on so loudly, any Autobot not already doubled over laughing immediately did so.

"Ok, hope you enjoyed the show, you're _not_ getting another." He growled again, his hands shaking as he transformed the microphone into his gun again. "And tell anyone about this, and-"

"Too late!" Sides popped up. "We had a few troops not here, and I didn't think it was fair to them to miss out, so..." He shrugged with a grin. "I sent a live video feed to them. That includes all the humans at the base, too."

A look of pure, unadulterated horror crossed the seeker's facial plates, and he grit his dental plates with a glare, before hopping into the air. "This isn't over!"

"I sure hope it is." Sunstreaker had a finger pressed against one of his audio sensors. "I don't think my hearing can take much more of your horrid screeching." He shuddered a little, his lip plates trembling.

"Har, har, har. Seekers, return to base!"

The seekers transformed and turned, flying out of sight as fast as they could, their cooling fans switched on loudly and giving them away for quite a distance. Barricade looked over at the Autobots and shrugged before transforming.

"I didn't think it was _that_ bad." He groused, before following them out of there.

There was a muted thud, and everyone turned to find Prowl offline and Ratchet shaking his head slowly.

"One of these days, he's not going to come back from it." The medic mused as he leaned down to check on their fallen Second in Command.

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Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you.

Tenshi


	2. Optimus Prime, Worms

**Disclaimer** : I don't own it.

**Warning** : Please do not eat or drink anything while reading! I did, and ended up having to clean pop off my keyboard. -.-' LOL And lets just say POOR OPTIMUS! *Dies of laughter*

**Starfire201** - I like to think Megatron used his influence to just be a pain in their afts. LOL

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**(Normal POV)**

Elita's lip plates trembled as she reached over and ran a single finger down the arm of her mate. Unfortunately, despite the reaction she felt through her link to him, and the tiny shudder he gave off, Optimus Prime kept his optics firmly planted on the data pad in front of him. Certainly a straight upload of the information would be quicker to process, but there were still some anti-Cybertronian humans out there who had only recently developed an alarmingly advanced virus.

It didn't do much harm, really, other than knocking a Cybertronian offline or making them extremely ill for a short amount of time, but the Autobots had still implimented a policy that no data uploads were to be performed unless strictly from Autobot to Autobot.

Biting back a sigh, Elita raised a single optic ridge as she watched her mate's optics scan over the information in front of him. _Always on the work._ She shook her head silently. She winced a little, when he looked up at her, slightly alarmed, and realized she'd allowed her disappointment and hurt to roll through the link. "I'm sorry." She whispered quietly. "I know this is important."

He frowned a little bit before pressing a couple of buttons on the data pad and putting it down, turning his full attention on the lovely femme sitting next to him. "But so are you." He sighed a little. "I apologize, Elita. I didn't mean to ignore you. I'm just worried... If this virus was created, what else is there we could possibly be missing?"

"I know." A little nod and she scooted closer, before heaving herself up out of her seat and into her mate's arms. "But if you work too hard... What is it the humans say? Something about coming back to it later...? With a fresh pair of optics?"

Optimus chuckled a little. "Eyes, Elita. They call them 'eyes'."

"Still." Snuggling into his neck, she felt her lip plates tremble again when she clearly felt the temperature of his body rising against her own, and his desire through the link. "You should take a break. I mean, you have Ratchet, Ironhide and Prowl all working on this, I'm certain you can pull yourself away for a _little_ while." She trailed a finger down his chest, watching as the small clasps keeping his chest armor closed popped with ease under the ministration.

_Hm, eager, aren't we?_ The trembling turned into a full blown smirk. _Oh he'd be angry if he knew-_ Her optics widened and she hastily blocked off the feeling of mischeviousness that had almost slid down the link to her mate. Feeling his own questioning coming back through it, she fixed her expression and kept her link blocked. _Better make this good._

"Well..." She pulled away, turning and leaving a deep, passionate kiss on his lips plates, pouring her slow, simmering desire for him over her link as she did so, before pulling away. "I should go. I don't want to distract you anymore than I already have." Standing, she turned and began walking towards the door. "I'll be in our quarters when you have finished your work." Elita let another ounce of disappointment and hurt slide through her link to him, before blocking it off.

"Elita..." The groan almost undid her right there and then, especially when she felt his own desire hitting her back ten fold.

Her knees trembled, but she shook her head. "See you later, sweetspark." She reached out for the door controls, when she was grabbed from behind, eliciting a startled yelp out of her as strong blue and red flamed arms lifted her right off the ground.

"Oh, no you don't." The tone was low and husky, and Elita felt her spark pulse sharply in response, even as she was carried over to the desk and sat down on it. Before she could even comprehend what was happening, her lip plates were captured in a searing kiss, knocking all thought out the window.

**(Later)**

As Elita hummed to herself, a human trait she'd picked up from several humans since her arrival on earth, she walked down the hall, greeting any Autobot or human she crossed. The grin was hard to keep off her face, and the almost triumphant smirk even harder.

"Do I want to know?" Arcee asked almost warily, as she approached her commanding officer.

A small giggle erupted from Elita. "Probably, but then again...probably not." She giggled again. "Optimus has been so busy with the opload viruses the humans have come up with, and he hasn't really been paying too much attention to me..."

And anyone that knew the femme knew that, to a point she could handle it, but beyond that...

"You got revenge, didn't you?"

"Who, me?" Elita's optics widened mock innocently, before she doubled over into laughter. Shaking her head, she sighed. "I have a feeling once my little 'plan' kicks into place I'm going to be in the humans' proverbial 'dog house'."

"That saying never made any sense to me." Arcee murmured with a frown. Shaking her head, she raised an optic ridge. "Ok, _now_ I'm curious."

Another giggle escaped Elita as she paused in the hall dramatically. She stepped back, nodding at Bumblebee as he hurried past, towards the main hangar, a look of amused confusion on his face as he almost skidded into the room. "Let's just say I addressed both problems at once."

Frowning a little, the pink motorcycle leaned against the wall and crossed her arms over her chest. "Gee, could you vague that up a little for me?" She asked sarcastically, quoting a character from one of her favorite shows, Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

"Let's just say...I got his attention off his work for a little while, and..." Elita smirked as she began walking. "If I'm right, I'll have brought his attention to another virus going around." She began to snicker darkly, before busting up laughing, having to pause until she got control. "Optimus might not be too happy about it, though, or the fact that Ratchet helped me with the idea."

"Ratchet..._helped..._?? Ok, stop with the riddles and just _tell_ me what you did!"

Heading to the main hangar, both femmes stopped and stepped out of the way as Ironhide raced past them, cannons whirling, only to freeze in the doorway as loud, booming laughter escaped down the hall.

"Optimus is gonna be mad, isn't he?" Arcee asked warily, her eyes locked on the rigid form of Ironhide, who was standing in the center of the doorway, looking for all the world like he was about to glitch out?

Elita nodded. "Yep."

"You can't talk to him about it, explain why you did..._whatever_ you did?"

She shook her head. "Nope."

"I don't wanna know why." The pink bike sighed as she dutifully followed her leader towards the hangar, watching as Elita pushed Ironhide out of the way and stepped in, only to double over laughing to the point the said weapons specialist had to hold on to her to keep her from falling over. _Yeah, didn't think so._ Following Elita's example, Arcee stepped into the room, and very nearly glitched herself.

There was a massive collection of Autobots and humans alike, all focused on something in the center of the room. Metal scraping against cement could barely be heard over the roaring laughter, as well as the occasional Cybertronian curse. Ratchet was leaning in between Prowl and Wheeljack, holding on to them for dear life, and appearing as though while acting as support, he was also being supported.

Then Prowl glitched, and the trio fell over with him, sending a fresh wave of laughter through the room.

Laughing hard, Arcee stared with wide optics as Optimus Prime, the most regal and honorable mech known to Cybertronians...._dragged his aft across the ground_. His legs were in the air on either side of him, and he had an almost desperate look on his face as he dragged himself back and forth, cursing again as Bee went down, careful to brace himself so the little yellow scout didn't crush the two balls of trembling organics under him.

"Primus! What did you _do_?!"

Elita looked over at Arcee's face and doubled over laughing again as Optimus groaned, changed directions and began dragging his aft across the ground in a different position. "I just...brought his attention to another virus the humans had created." She began snickering, shuttering her optics and still almost falling over with laughter. "I... I.... I gave him worms!"

Hearing her explanation, Optimus shot her with an evil look, before cussing again and continuing the dragging, causing even more mechs to offline or fall over laughing.

Collapsing on the ground in laughter, Arcee could only shake her head. What was that human saying...? Oh, yes...

_Hell hath no fury like a femme scorned._

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Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you.

Tenshi


	3. Bumblebee's First Hustler Magazine

**Disclaimer** : I don't own it.

**Note** : This might be slightly graphic and disturbing. LOL

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**(Normal POV)**

Bee drove into the base, making his way past the milling soldiers and towards the hall leading to the civilian quarters. He unfolded into his bipedal form along the way, looking around for any sign of his charge, Sam. Passing Optimus, he nodded in greeting, before rounding the corner and pausing.

There was a strange sound coming from Sam's quarters.

Tilting his head a little, Bumblebee tried to puzzle out of he'd ever heard those sounds before, or what they could mean. As silently as he could, he stalked towards the shut door, hearing a muffled groan.

He tilted his head the other direction and quickly scanned the room, his hand transforming into a blaster as he went. _What if it's another Decepticon pretender?_ His optics widened as he snuck even closer and leaned his audio processor against the door. Another groan, and a quiet hiss, and some sort of strange slurping movement, perhaps? The unusual sounds continued.

His optics widened when the scans came back. _**'Emergency transmition: Ratchet, I'm outside of Sam's quarters and there are some rather strange sounds coming from it.'**_ He attached the results of his scans. _**'What does this mean?'**_ He bounced around nervously, his optics dancing from the door control, to the door itself as another, more prominent groan sounded. _**'RATCHET!!!'**_

_**'Enough, youngling.'**_ Amusement leaked over the link. _**'You can relax, Sam is fine.'**_

_**'But what do those signals mean?'**_

_**'Leave him alone. That's what. Go report to Optimus, I'm sure Sam will be done by the time you return. Now, if you don't mind, I DO have work to do.'**_

Frowning, Bumblebee ignored the way the line blocked, and tilted his head a little once again. _Done? Done what?_ Shaking his head, he took a hesitant step back, turning and walking down the hall. His charge made a strange sound, and he paused, only to force himself to resume once again. _Trust Ratchet. He knows about these things._ Making his way down the hall, he greeted Jolt and joined him for the walk to Optimus' office for their field report.

It was two earth hours later when Bumblebee finished his report and was excused. Making his way past Sam's quarters, he paused when he noticed his charge and his sparkmate were missing. Walking around, he eventually found them in the main hangar. Raising an optic ridge, the little yellow scout connected to Sam's cell phone.

_**There you are, I was worried. - B**_

Sam opened his phone and frowned before looking up and waving Bee over. "Worried? About what?"

_**I stopped by your quarters two hours ago, and heard strange sounds. - B**_

Eyes widened and a vaguely horrified expression crossed Sam's face. "You... Wha... Two _hours_ ago...?" He seemed to think a moment, before his face cycled between worrying shades of red and white, settling on unusually pale with bright red cheeks. "Strange...sounds...?"

Mikeala raised an eyebrow and stared at Sam a long moment, before a look of realization dawned on her face, and she began laughing her ass off. "Let me guess, Bee was listening on 'Sam's Happy Time'?" She laughed even harder.

Sam's jaw dropped, and he glared at her mildly, before making an odd strangled noise and stalking off.

Mikeala's phone vibrated, and she pulled it out, reading the message and doubling over with laughter.

_**'Sam's Happy Time'? - B**_

The name sounded vaguely familiar. Something Sam's mother had said when they first arrived on earth and Sam was looking through his room for the glasses? He wasn't sure, but he did know it was supposed to mean something private.

Shaking her head, Mikeala got up and walked off, staggering now and then when she'd break up in fresh giggles.

Frowning, Bumblebee began looking around. _Well, if she won't tell me..._ His optics landed on Ratchet and he grinned triumphantly before he began walking over. _Someone will._

**(Two Days Later, Later)**

Frowning, Bumblebee began walking down the hall. He was leaving the med bay after yet _another_ lesson on human anatomy and their interfacing tendencies, and was making his way to look for Sam, to take him home.

Entering Sam's quarters, Bee looked around, disappointed Sam wasn't there. He scanned the room for any sign to where his young charge was, and his optics landed on what appeared to be a tiny magazine. Carefully, he reached out and gently grasped one edge of it, pulling it out from under the mattress.

Once it was out, he tilted his head as he regarded the label.

_Hustler magazine..._

A quick internet search told him what it was about, and he felt his optics brighten. This was something Ratchet had vaguely mentioned, and he shifted his grip on the cover so the magazine would fall open.

_I finally get to see what a 'vagina' looks-WHATTHESLAG?!?!_

Optics widened, and a startled metallic shriek sounded as he dropped the magazine. His one hand trransformed into a cannon as he quickly backed up, his body quivering in terror as he regarded the magazine.

_WhattheslagISthat??_

Sure, with access to the internet, he could browse an aweful lot, but when you had mechs like Optimus, Ironhide and Ratchet in control... And then add in 'Parental Controls'...

_OhmyPrimus! OhmyPrimus! OhmyPrimus!_

The magazine fell over, falling open to the same page. Another shriek sounded and he quickly began blasting the magazine, repeatedly as he shrieked and backed away. Once he was done, he trembled in the corner, optics wide, and half glared at the offending hole in the ground where Sam's bunk used to be.

Once he was satisfied there wasn't even a space particle left of the magazine, he slowly relaxed, still trembling. He heard distant yells, and sent the signal that all was clear as he sighed a little.

_You... You can't hurt anyone...anymore._

Explaining the mess to Optimus was going to be fun. Explaining why he freaked out and destroyed Sam's magazine _and_ his room was going to be even more so.

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Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you.

Tenshi


	4. Ratchet, Ding! Fries Are Done

**Disclaimer** : I don't own it.

**Note** : Another idea gotten from PMing with **Gixxer Pilot**. LOL

**Starfire201** - I'd feel more sorry for Sam, whose bound to be humiliated.

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**(Mikeala's POV)**

I frowned as I held out the sandwich in front of me like it was a nasty worm. "Um..." Looking up, I watched as Ratchet turned and dropped my Burger King meal in the nearby garbage can. _Hey!_ I had to bite my lip to keep from actually _yelling_ at him for that, knowing he had my best interest at heart but also knowing... Well... I just wanted my damn burger!

Ratchet was frowning as he absently rattled off all the unhealthy carbs and calories were in the burger alone, not to mention the fat and cholestoral. The more he talked, the better the sandwich looked, but I still couldn't fight my annoyance at the fact he'd so _casually_ taken my food right out of my hands.

"Ratchet..." I watched as he rattled on in Cybertronian now, grabbing a large bed sheet and wiping at his fingers with a slightly disgusted look. Not my fault the burger was greasy. "Ratchet...." He tossed the rag aside, still mumbling. "_Ratchet!_"

He jumped a little and looked down.

Frowning, I held up the untouched sandwich. "Whatever happened to Optimus' rule? 'Freedom is the right of all sentient beings'?" Raising an eyebrow, I shifted my stance a little, and waited.

"I don't understand."

_Of course not. _"How is your choosing what I eat my own freedom?" I tossed the sandwich on a nearby work bench before crossing my arms over my chest. While I _was_ hungry, I was more irritated that Ratchet was choosing what I was and was not allowed to consume. "Hmm...?"

He frowned. "The burger was incredibly unhealthy."

_No duh._ I rolled my eyes. "I realize that, Ratchet. I don't always eat them, but once in a while we are allowed to treat ourselves you know. I've been eating nothing but healthy stuff all week. This was my first junk food treat and you went and threw it away without even asking me." I allowed my hurt expression and irritation to cross my face.

Pausing a moment, Ratchet's frown only seemed to deepen. "Well I do apologize for simply taking your food, but every unhealthy snack and meal only contributes to the possibility of stroke and heart attack." Turning back to his work, he hummed quietly to himself. "You should hurry and eat so we can get back to work."

I felt my hands curl into fists, and bit my lip hard to keep from growling. Turning on my heel, I practically marched over to the desk, almost ripping the wrapper off the sandwich. A small part of me was grateful Ratchet had at least seen fit to give me a sandwich, rather than making me go all the way down to the cafeteria to get my own. I ignored the question of _why_ Ratchet kept a sandwich on him, and frowned down at the food.

More than anything, I felt....well....pissed.

I mean, I was an adult. I could make my own decisions....when Ratchet wasn't making them for me. I don't care if he saw me as a child in comparison to himself, he really had to realize I was old enough to take care of myself.

Something told me he wouldn't listen that easily.

Not unless I made him, but how to do that...? I looked up at a television put in the room for humans to enjoy on their breaks. As I munched on the sandwich, I watched as Family Guy came on, and I giggled as I watched the show.

"Hm, that show is hardly educational." Ratchet mused behind me, his voice startling me.

Narrowing my eyes, I glanced over, letting out a low snarl when he reached for the television, the clear intent to change the channel. Taking my food was one thing, and I was pissed enough at that, but now he was threatening to change the channel instead of allowing me to enjoy my show as well. That was too much. I'll admit it was embarrassing, and I hadn't meant to actually_ snarl_, but...

He blinked down at me, and I couldn't tell what my face was showing, but he nodded a little and backed off, looking startled.

I froze and swallowed my bite of food, before giggling in embarrassment. "Sorry." Turning back, I went back to my show, and then almost busted up laughing when a scene flashed across the screen that gave me a perfect muse.

Immediately, I began scanning my work bench and shifting through the tools to find what I'd need, a smirk forming and remaining fixed across my features.

_'Not very educational' my ass. _

**(Several Hours Later)**

I wandered on to the main air strip, watching as Autobots returned from their latest mission. Optimus seemed to be hobbling slightly, probably from a damaged gear in his ankle by the looks of it, but nothing else seemed to really be wrong.

Sam and I greeted the other Autobots, before Optimus frowned and looked around. With a kiss to Sam's cheek, I abandoned my place at his side to walk over and greet Optimus.

"Hey." I waved when he looked down. "Looking for Ratchet?" _Obviously._ Considering he was the only mech not there at the moment.

He blinked, and seemed to hesitate a moment before nodding.

"He's in his med bay." I began walking backwards. "Mind if I join you?"

Tilting his head a little, Optimus shook his head before bending down and holding out a hand for me. "Would you care for a lift?"

I grinned and nodded back. "Yes, thank you." I giggled a little as I climbed into his hand, shaking my head when he shot me a confused look. "Don't worry, you'll see."

"Now I'm worried." He mused out loud as we slowly made our way to the med bay.

Smirking, I raised an eyebrow. "Well, let's just put it this way. No one _needs_ to be worried....unless someone's critically injured. Otherwise, Jolt can fix everything." I relaxed in his grip as we walked into the hangar, across it, and down several hallways. _This is gonna be good._

As we entered the room, I felt my eyes widen and clamped a hand over my mouth as Optimus stopped abruptly.

"Heheheheheheheheheheh."

Yeah, I'll admit I stole the laugh idea from Sideswipe. What can I say? A mech from another world sounding like Peter Griffin was way too flipping hilarious! I giggled a little, trying not to out right laugh as Ratchet grinned excitedly and bounced on the balls of his feet behind the medical berth, which at the moment was covered with burgers and fast food combos all from burger king.

"....Ratchet?" Optimus tilted his head a little, before looking down at me almost expectantly.

"What?" I shrugged a little, crossing my arms over my chest as I turned to the mech.

_**La la la la**_

_**Na na na na**_

_**La la la la**_

_**Wa na na na**_

The nasally voice had me giggling right away, and I watched as Optimus' lips trembled a little. "Do I dare ask?" He once again glanced down, trying to ignore the strangely acting mech.

_**I work at Burger King**_

_**Making famous Whoppers**_

_**I wear a paper hat**_

And indeed he did. An extra, _extra_ large version of the Burger King paper hat, at that.

_**Would you like an apple pie with that?**_

_**Would you like an apple pie with that?**_

"He stole my burger." I finally admitted with a huff. "I told him it was a rare snack and was basically harmless and he didn't listen."

_**Ding! Fries are done.**_

_**Ding! Fries are done.**_

_**Ding! Fries are done.**_

_**Ding! Fries are done.**_

I began laughing. "He didn't listen, so I decided to _make_ him."

_**I gotta run**_

_**I gotta run**_

_**I gotta run**_

_**I gotta run**_

Optimus began to chuckle. "I see he never learned _not_ to mess with the human femmes."

"We may look sweet and gentle and fragile, but looks can be deceiving." I agreed with a giggle as Ratchet's eyes glowed brightly, his expression remaining unusually chipper.

"Optimus?" Jolt's voice came from behind us.

Turning, I watched as he froze, Bumblebee behind him, and they both stared in shock.

"Oh Primus." Jolt winced before turning to me. "What did he do now?"

I smirked and remained silent, even as Optimus laughed again.

_**Don't touch the fries in hot fat.**_

_**It hurts really bad**_

_**And so do skin grafts**_

Jolt tilted his head a little, a smirk flitting across his features.

_**Would you like an apple pie with that?**_

_**Would you like an apple pie with that?**_

I laughed and turned to Bumblebee, who was singing along with Ratchet, through the radio system. I couldn't help the small 'awwww' that escaped me when I saw him bouncing a little, his door wings shifting on his back.

_**Where is the bell?**_

_**Wait for the bell**_

_**Can't hear the bell**_

_**Ding! Fries are done**_

Full out laughing now, I shook my head and reclined back as Jolt sighed and walked forward. Ratchet didn't even blink or show any sign of knowing Jolt was walking over until he slumped forward and face first into the burgers on the berth in front of him.

At this, I almost fell over laughing. "Wow, talk about having your burger and eating it too!" I raised my hand and shook my head when all the bots turned to me in confusion. "Twisted version of a human saying." I explained vaguely, watching with a laugh as Jolt helped Ratchet off the berth, only to fall over laughing when a double whopper slid off the side of the offlined yellow mech's face.

"You realize he's going to find out it was you."

I turned to Optimus and grinned toothily. "I'm not worried. After everything he's taught me, he won't dare try anything." I pulled a wrench from my back pocket, tossed it into the air, and caught it again.

Optimus smirked at me and tilted his head down in a sign of respect.

Together we watched as Bumblebee cleaned off the berth and Jolt sighed as he set Ratchet upon it. Then I was transferred to Bumblebee's hand as Optimus' ankle was looked at. After bidding Optimus farewell, I had Bee take us off to find Sam, giggling as we went.

Maybe now Ratchet would know better than to make my decisions for me.

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Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you.

Tenshi


	5. Jolt, Lots of Milk

**Disclaimer** : I don't own it.

**Note** : One of my readers in my previous fanfiction, Autobot Pranks, mentioned that Autobots wouldn't necessarily have data pads. They could just download/upload and process the information in a blink. I believe him, and agree with him (thank you VisualIdentificationZeta (hope I have your name right)), but for the sake of filler and time killer, I thought I'd include data pads in this chapter, as well as possibly a few future ones.

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**(Normal POV)**

Jolt frowned as he picked up the data pad lying harmlessly on the ground before him. Looking up, he saw several Autobots rushing around, looking for all the world like they were extremely busy. He flipped the data pad back and forth, looking for a hint as to whose it was, without having to invade their privacy and read what was on it. When that failed, he tried a scan on the energon signature on it to verify it that way.

Sure, energon radiation only lasted so long and degraded quickly, but the amount of degredation would help him to verify the _last_ holder of the pad.

Unfortunately, the data pad had changed holders a few times, within quick succession, and he couldn't be certain whose it was from that, either.

With a sigh, he tapped a button and brought up a list. He was immediately relieved to see it wasn't password protected, and seeing a list of budgeting inventory, he grimaced, realizing quickly _why_ it had changed hands to frequently, and _why_ no one seemed to 'notice' it was missing.

_I'm half tempted to put it back down and walk off myself._ He thought, before frowning. _Wait..._ It was no secret just how big a deal the financial situation was with the Autobots, what with the human government placing so many restrictions on them. Tilting his head a little, he began down the hall, reading the list as he went.

**(With Optimus)**

As Optimus entered his office, he sighed and sat the rather large pile of data pads down on the desk in front of them. Immediately he began to count through them, sorting them as he went. When he got to the bottom of the pile, he frowned and hesitated, before recounting them.

Then he paused and shook his head.

_Human habits._ He ran an internal scan, coming up with no errors, so he sighed again. _I lost one._ Turning, he left the office and locked up behind him, just in case the twins were feeling like making trouble, as usual. He began walking down the hall, keeping an eye out for a mech with a data pad, or a single data pad sitting on the ground. _I knew I dropped one._

His optics narrowed as he scanned for any sign of the data pad. Stopping Prowl, he asked if his second in command had noticed anything, and shook his head when Prowl responded in the negative.

It took him about three hours of searching before he came across Jolt sitting in a storage shed, reading over the very data pad he'd lost. A small smirk crossed his facial plates. _I should make him be the one to take care of it._ Unfortunately, it was his job as Autobot leader. "Jolt."

The apprentice medic jumped a little, before looking up. His door wings shot upright a moment, before fluttering and settling back down. "Oh, Optimus. I'm sorry. Was someone calling for me?" He blinked and tilted his head a little.

"No. I was actually looking for a data pad I lost, about the budgeting?"

Jolt's optics narrowed. "I have it here. How is it the human government expects us to work within these lines?"

"I have no idea, my friend." Walking over, Optimus' lip plates trembled minutely.

"We should have fundraisers, or find some other way to create funds for our spenditures." Jolt tapped something before handing the pad off to his leader and getting up from the crate he'd been sitting on. "Of course keeping a low profile is important. Perhaps we could try..."

Optimus put his hand on the youngling's shoulder, effectively silencing the mech as he chuckled slightly. "If you can find a way to bring in funds without exposing our kind to the planet, feel free to give it a try." He sighed as he looked at the pad in his hands. "We could certainly use all the help we can get." With a final bid farewell, he left the room to head back to his office, not even aware of the ideas brewing in the youngster's processors.

With a smirk, Jolt picked a plan and began refining. He left the shed and began towards the gates of the military base, knowing he had some scouting to do.

**(The Next Morning, in the Cafeteria, with Mikeala)**

Stumbling into the room, she bumped into Epps and giggled out a groggy good morning.

"Might wanna watch where you're going." He chuckled, shaking his head and grabbing her arm in order to keep her from stumbling into a nearby garbage can, when she lost her balance. "Late night?"

One eyebrow rose, and her already darkened cheek darkened even more as her mind took a soaring nosedive into the gutter. "Studying." She muttered with a shrug, waving before she staggered over to the coffee pot.

"That stuff's been sitting there for a while." Epps called out, before heading out of the room.

Normally that would make even the soldiers with the iron stomachs cringe away, but Mikeala just smirked and poured herself a cup. _Been there a while means stronger than usual._ She thought as she took her cup to the table and sat down. "Good. That's what I need."

Sam stumbled into the room seconds after she sat, and made his way to the coffee pot like she had. Once he had his cup, he grabbed two bowls, a box of cereal, and a large jar of milk from the fridge. It was when he popped everything on the table top that he paused, blinked, frowned in confusion and walked back to the refrigerator, opening the door and looking inside.

"Um, why's there so much milk?"

Mikeala was just finishing pouring the milk on her cereal when she looked over. She, too, paused and frowned in confusion. "Holy crap! How many bottles _are_ there?!" It actually looked like the entire fridge was filled with nothing but bottles of milk.

"Huh, Ratchet's probably on another health kick." Sam shook his head as he walked back over, took the milk from her, and got his own cereal ready.

Digging in to her cereal, Mikeala hesitated, sniffing cautiously at the spoonful in front of her face, before crossing her fingers, squeezing her eyes shut, and taking a bit. _Huh, tastes the same to me._ She relaxed instantly and began digging in, in earnest.

Jolt rolled into the room then, looking around.

"Hey Jolt, is Ratchet on one of his health kicks, again?"

Transforming into his bipedal form, the apprentice medic tilted his head at them. "Heath...kick?" His optics seemed to dim momentarily.

"I mean, is Ratchet once again trying to force healthy eating on us?" Sam clarified, taking a bite of his own cereal. He chewed slowly as he watched the mech stare at them a long moment, before seeing him shake his head. "Oh, I just thought with all the milk in the fridge..." He trailed off and shrugged.

"Milk...? Oh, that was me. OH! I almost forgot!" Snapping his fingers, a human gesture Jolt had picked up, the youngster looked around. "Be careful which bottle you grab when you're looking for the milk. A lot of that is horse sperm."

Mikeala froze, her eyes widening in horror and the spoon sticking out of her mouth.

"I've taken up horse breeding in hopes we can sell the offspring for decent funds." He bent down and seemed to look into the fridge. "Huh, one of the bottles is missing."

Sam's mouth dropped open and his eyes bugged out of his head. Looking down at his cereal, he allowed the spoon he was holding to drop into the bowl heavily, before turning his glance to the open bottle of 'milk' at his side. He then took in Mikeala's face, and started to laugh, despite himself.

She shot him a lethal glare, before slowly pulling the spoon out of her mouth. She sat there, her cheeks puffed slightly with the food in her mouth, before eyeing Sam evilly. Digging her spoon into her cereal, she flicked it at her boyfriend, before jumping up, rushing over and spitting the cereal into the garbage can, rubbing furiously at her tongue after.

"Oh! That's right. Wheeljack wanted it last night, for experimental purposes. Ok then." The blue mech stood up, and turned confused optics on Sam, who had pushed his bowl of cereal aside and was laughing as he wiped cheerios off his face. Turning to Mikeala, he blinked as she sank to the floor, glaring at Sam, before she too began giggling. "Did I miss something?" Getting a ping on his internal communications, he shook his head. "Oh, I have to go. Remember, be careful which bottle you grab. Bye!"

Getting up off the floor, Mikeala waved absently before sitting down next to Sam. They exchanged a look and busted up laughing again, even as Sam picked up a dry cheerio and chucked it back at her.

"Oh my God, that was scary!" Mikeala looked down at her cereal and pulled a face. "You know, I'm not really that hungry anymore."

Sam nodded. "Me, either."

Will chose that abrupt moment to stumble into the room groggily. He walked over to the fridge, pulled the door open, grabbed a seemingly random bottle of milk, before making his way over, grabbing a bowl and plopping down next to them.

Mikeala fell off her chair laughing when Sam, with a look of utter horror, scooped the bottle from the slightly glaring major.

Oh, this was going to be fun to explain.

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Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you.

Tenshi


	6. Sideswipe, Bullfrog

**Disclaimer** : I don't own it.

**Note** : For this chapter, Sunstreaker is NOT on earth. I didn't even realize it until after I wrote it, that I had Sunny not there, and I don't wanna go back and change it because it kind of suits, so...

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**(Normal POV)**

Sideswipe watched with great fascination how such a tiny, _young_ human seemed to have not only the humans, but all the Autobots at her beck and call at all times. Optimus' human holoform waggled a finger in the youngling's face, chuckling quietly when she caught it and gave him a look. Ironhide chuckled as well, from where he was holding her, and Chromia smiled longingly at the small femme.

Two year old Annabelle Lennox smiled back, patting one of Ironhide's holoform cheeks slightly before her look saddened and turned away.

He felt his spark pulse longingly, realizing what was bothering her. Placing a hand on his chest, he reached out almost desperately and tried to feel his brother through the link. When all he got was emptiness... A small sigh escaped him before he turned his optics towards the large plane that was leaving. William Lennox was aboard that plane, heading out on a human military only mission.

Sarah Lennox had been on the receiving end of a rather nasty blow from a new Decepticon pretender, and was currently lying in the infirmary, recharging after her long recovery.

That left Annabelle all alone at the moment, and from the expression on her face, she felt it.

_There has to be something I can do to cheer her up._ He paused thoughtfully as Hide seemed to talk to the small human, only to get a pout as a result. He pulled her closer to him, stroking her back with one of his large fingers while combing his holoform fingers through her hair in a supposedly soothing fashion.

Her spark still pulsed unusually fast, and Ratchet stard at her in worry, before Mikeala leaned in and whispered something to him. While his worry seemed to lessen, his sorrow and concern still remained.

_**'We need to find a way to cheer up the youngling.'**_ That was Ironhide, speaking over the public internal communications.

Optimus nodded. _**'Yes, but how? Very few of us have ever dealt with a youngling before, and none with a human youngling. We know nothing of this.'**_

_**'Perhaps Mikeala and Sam can help?'**_

Everyone shot Jolt a look, before Ironhide rolled his optics.

_**'You DO remember that Sam merely suggested getting her a 'pet', right?'**_ Bee put in, incredulously. _**'An idea Will hasn't been too pleased with.'**_

Looking up the term 'pet' Sides raised an optic ridge. He found millions upon millions of sites addressed to 'pets' and the different meanings and types there could be. Doing even more research, he sat on a large crate behind him, zoning out of the conversation as he looked.

_**'He didn't want her to get a dog, or a cat. What about something smaller?'**_ Jolt suggested, tilting his head a little. _**'Perhaps something the other humans can help her look after, or something for her to look after herself, easily?'**_

That_, ladies and gentlemen, right there, sounds like an excellent idea._

Sideswipe waited until everyone's attention was on the blue apprentice medic, before slipping off silently. He rolled over to the gates, before transforming into his alternate form, smirking internally from the appreciative whistles, and driving off.

The entire way, he researched what the best pet to get a youngling was.

**(That Night)**

Sides shuddered a little as he rolled back to the base. He watched as the gate guard raised an eyebrow and 'tsked' with a shake of his head, before opening the gate. _Well, excuse me!_ The silver Corvette shuddered again, shaking slightly on his axels to try and shake himself of a rather thick layer of mud. _If I'd known what was involved in getting her a 'pet'..._

Heading straight to his quarters, he transformed and pulled a tiny box out of one of his emergency holds. Placing it on the top of a large dresser, he turned and headed into the showers to clean off.

_It made it this far, it can wait a little longer._

Admittedly it was late, but Sides hurried his shower along, before racing out, still dripping wet, grabbing the box, and rushing to tiny Annabelle's quarters. He stopped at the door, running a scan, and nearly smirked when he found Ironhide wasn't around but she was.

He formed his human holoform and grabbed the closed shoe box before slipping into the room quietly. He made out Annabelle's still form in bed and began walking forward, pitching his voice low so he wouldn't scare the slag out of her as he went.

"Pssst! Annabelle!" He walked over with a huge grin, just _knowing_ she'd love his gift. "It's me. I got something for you here." He pulled the box forward and grasped one edge of the lid. "I overheard the others saying something about getting you a pet, so I went and caught you a bullfrog." He slowly lifted the lid. "Even poked some holes in it's back, so it could breathe."

After all, that's what the site had said.

**Flashback**

_'When catching bullfrogs in shoe boxes, though not the optimal items to use or keep the animal in, make sure to poke holes in the back so the frog can breathe.'_

**End Flashback**

Opening the lid all the way, Sides felt his eyes widen with horror and looked down. "Oh." He ran a scan. "Oh Primus. Ok, hang on." A quick scan revealed what his eyes had already told him, the frog had offlined in the box. Taking a deep breath, he quickly dropped the box lid and covered his mouth as a nauseating smell hit him. He glared down at the innocent lid that had hit the ground with barely a sound, before turning and looking around.

Spotting a window, he held the box as far away from him as possible and walked over. The window was open, so he tried to toss the box out it.

Unfortunately, the smell had him covering his mouth, thus leaving him with only one free hand, and even though he had excellent aim, he _was_ in his human holoform at the moment, which threw it all off.

The box hit the window frame quietly, and fell to the ground, the utterly limp frog falling out of it.

As it hit the ground, he grimaced and made a face, gagging silently on the smell. _Oh slag, if Ironhide finds out-_

That was enough to send him in motion. He quickly bent down, reaching for the frog before thinking better of it. He grabbed the box lid and walked over, reaching out and trying to lift the limp frog into the lid to toss out the window.

Unfortunately, the frog was as limp as it was dead, and slipped off the lid with a wet splat.

He tried again.

**Splat.**

Same results. And again.

**Splat.**

Same results.

He sat there bent, trying again and again to pick the frog up in the lid, even going as far as to remove his hand from his mouth and grab the other end of the box, trying to catch the frog between the two. Unfortunately, it was also quite squishy, and he had a hell of a time anyways.

**Splat. Splat.**

Suddenly, his sensors pinged with a familiar mech's approach. Feeling his eyes and optics widen, Sides hurriedly kept trying to pick up the frog in the box, desperately trying to keep his hands clean.

**Splatsplatsplatsplatsplatsplatsplat.**

Eventually he got it, and tossed it at the window...

**Splat.**

...Only for the frog to hit the upper window pane from his lack of aim -he _was_ in a hurry, after all- and drop with another wet splat onto the window sill.

_Frag you! _Staring at it a long moment, he growled lowly before smacking it out the window with the box lid, and feeling his eyes widen when he saw it fly a few feet, only to fall and land on a pretty purple motorcycle.

**Splat!**

_Oh slag!_

A quick scan told him she was in recharge, and he wanted to cry in relief, until he felt her starting to wake. Throwing the box out after, he turned and glanced at Annabelle, who'd been unusually quiet through the whole thing. He almost sighed in relief when he realized she too was in recharge, and dissipated his hologram, transforming and driving off as fast and silently as possible.

That would be the last time he _ever_ attempted to help a squishy youngling.

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Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you.

Tenshi


	7. Ironhide, My Dingaling

**Disclaimer** : I don't own it.

**Note** : Collaboration with **Gixxer Pilot** .

**Warning** : Rated 'T', but look out for some possibly slightly steamy smut with Ironhide/Chromia a little later. *Blushes* Just so you know, I don't usually write this stuff. I used to, for other genres and pairings, but never tried my hand at it with Transformers.

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**(Normal POV)**

Ironhide seemed to have a permanent smirk fixed to his face plates lately. It was an unusual look for the normally grim and trigger happy mech.

The new look even scared the twins out of pranking him, for fear he'd finally lost his processor. No one dared do anything that could possibly be considered crossing the mech, uncertain as to what he was thinking or what he'd do if pissed off.

It was when Chromia started wandering around with the same look, that Ratchet figured out what was going on, and sent a brief, vague memo to all other Autobots telling them it was medically safe, and there was nothing wrong with the mech.

"Are you _sure_ there's nothing wrong?" Optimus raised an optic ridge as he regarded the unusually cheerful black gunner.

Smirking a little, Ratchet mimicked the look. _**'He's just been reunited with his mate. Tell me, if you thought your mate had been offlined on a mission, and then were happily reunited with her, what's the first thing you'd do?'**_ Optimus' optics widened and his cooling fans switched on abruptly, even as the leader ducked his head. Ratchet didn't _need_ to scan him to tell his core temperature had risen a great deal just thinking of his mate. _'__**See? Not so hard to figure out what's going on with Ironhide, is it?'**_ The cooling jets switched up a notch, even as Optimus' expression turned to realization and abject horror in moments.

_**'Oh Primus, that was too much information!'**_ The Autobot leader shuddered where he stood, causing his armor to rattle a little, even as he took a long look at the mech talking cheerily with Jazz. _**'Way too much information!'**_ Shaking his head, he turned and stalked out of the room, only pausing to shudder again. _**'If you'll excuse me, I need to go bore those images out of my processor with a knitting needle.'**_

Ratchet couldn't help but laugh a little, raising his hand and shaking his head when Ironhide and Jazz shot him a confused look. _**'You did ask. Just be glad you weren't roomed in the same wing of the base as them last night.'**_

_**'RATCHET!'**_ Optimus groaned internally with horror.

Snickering, Ratchet shook his head and turned, waving to the two other mechs as he made his way towards the med bay. _It's good to see the love birds happily reunited, although I wish Ironhide would spend more time worrying about the troops and less...well..._ Trailing off, Ratchet raised an optic ridge and shook his head with his own smirk firmly fixed to his face.

"Something up, boss?" Jolt turned and watched as Ratchet entered the room, and seemed to putter around absently.

_Yeah, Optimus' stress levels._ Resisting the urge to smirk, Ratchet focused on straightening the tools before him, before answering. Looking up, the medibot shook his head. "Not really. Oh, how were those classes going, with Ironhide?" Ratchet felt something clench inside of him, knowing the youngster was taking more weapons training classes from Ironhide after arriving on earth, to help better protect himself. He kept up a calm facade, but inside began to get a little irritated when he recalled Jolt telling him Hide had blown him off on more than one occasion, just to spend time with Chromia.

Jolt hesitated, and Ratchet felt his ire growing by the second.

"He cancelled again, didn't he?" The tone was a low growl. _I _told_ him! I told him Jolt needed those classes! He's the only other medic we've got! Fragging 'Hide!_ When Jolt didn't answer, optics narrowed. "It seems I've got my answer."

"He didn't mean to! He just said that since Chromia was shipping out again in a few days-"

Ratchet held up a hand, stopping the rant. "Chromia's been on base for two earth weeks. It was more than enough time for him to catch up with her on current events, as well as train you. There's no excuse." Jolt opened his mouth and Ratchet picked up a wrench, swinging it warningly. "Theres. No. Excuse."

With a blink, Jolt nodded. "R-Right. No excuse. Got it." He backed up towards the door.

Watching the youngling taking off, Ratchet sighed and activated his internal communications. _**'Ironhide, we need to talk. **_**NOW.**_**'**_ He grit his dental plates grimly as he set the wrench down, before carefully hefting it agian.

_**'Right now? But I'm with Chromia!'**_

There was a blink. _Wasn't he just talking to...? Wow, he's fast._ Shaking his head, Ratchet growled. _**'Make me come and get you, and you'll never spark with her again. I can medically guarantee it.'**_

There was dead silence for the longest moment, and Ratchet could swear Ironhide was actually willing to test his threat. Then he heard the fast booming of large mechanical feet running down the hall, and he smirked briefly, before hefting the wrench and fixing his features into a dark scowl. _Figured that would get him._

As Ironhide burst through the door, Ratchet growled and tossed the wrench. He expected the gunner's defences to be up, to see the large black mech either blast the incoming tool or duck it with ease. What he _didn't_ expect was the spark chamber cover to be open, and the dazed look in Ironhide's optics. The wrench clattered off Ironhide's forehead hard, causing a nasty little dent, and as it fell down his chest, it clattered once again against some sensitive wires, causing Ironhide to hiss before offlining.

Blinking a moment, Ratchet just stared at him. He was half tempted to start whistling innocently and walk out of the room, like nothing had happened, but then his medical training kicked in, and he walked over, turning Ironhide over and sighing in relief to see the spark chamber, and subsequently the spark, were unharmed. He took in what the wrench had hit and shuttered his optics with a groan.

_I caught him mid-sparking, and ended up sending him into forced recharge when I hit him with a wrench._ Shaking his head, he bent down and carefully picked up the mech, moving him over and laying him down on a berth, before staring at him in contemplation. _He's going to want to run right back to Chromia after talking to me._

Not that talking had done any good before. It went in one audio receptor and out the other.

_I have to think of something that would make him take me seriously..._

Then something clicked in his processors. He, along with the other Autobots, had been forced to endure a 'Family Guy' show that the humans were very much into, and one of the episodes crossed his processors. It had been so utterly ridiculous he couldn't help but return to his memory files and review it over and over again.

With an evil smirk crossing his features, he turned and began collecting the materials he'd need, before getting down to work.

_This'll teach you._

**(Later)**

Ironhide growled lowly as he ran his fingers down Chromia's side, revelling in her low groan. He watched, mesmerized, as she tilted her head back, before leaning in and attacking her vulnerable throat wires with his lip plates. Feeling her fingers gently ghosting up armored spark cover, Ironhide froze and shivered as delicious heat roared through his systems, causing his cooling jets to switch immediately to a higher gear, in order to try and keep his slowly overheating core cool.

"'Hiiiidddeeee...." Chromia leaned forward, catching him off guard as she gently bit at the same vulnerable wires on his throat, causing him to jump at the slight pain and almost overwhelming pleasure.

Arching into her touch, Ironhide's optics shuttered as he trembled beneath her talented fingers. He felt the clasps keeping his armor shut tight over his spark slowly unclasping, allowing her free access. Her nimble fingers dipped under the edge of the armor, causing the black mech to gasp sharply and hiss at the sensation.

Leaning forward, he caught her lip plates with his own, kissing her gently as he grabbed her hands and pinned them over her head, before slipping down to suckle at the wires exposed by the way she bent her neck.

His core kept overheating, and his fans worked harder and harder in their futile effort to keep him cool.

"Please..." Chromia gasped, writhing in his hold.

He wouldn't be detured, and his hands released her wrists, only to lightly ghost down her arms, brushing purposely against every sensitive wire he could find.

"_Ironhiddddeeeee._"

He felt himself getting even hotter at her tone, and smirked as he slowly lowered his lip plates to the front of her chest armor, covering her spark chamber. Glancing up at her, he blinked, and then shivered violently at the look of utter desire she shot him.

The waves of lust flowing through their link wasn't helping, either.

Then something happened that neither of them expected, and both Cybertronian lovers froze, their desires instantly forgotten.

_**Sproiiing!**_

Blinking a moment, Ironhide felt something release from his, as Mikeala had taken to calling it, 'crotch plating'. He felt it hit Chromia, causing his mate to still in confusion, before feeling it bounce a little, and a little tinkling sound.

Chromia was also laying still, blinking blankly at Ironhide. "What the pit... Well, _that's_ never happened before." She blinked again as Ironhide slowly sat up, separating himself from her. Glancing down, her optics widened a moment, before she burst out in hearty laughter. "Oh, Primus, 'Hide!"

He looked down, growling angrily as his cooling jets switched into overtime, this time trying to cool his temperature, which was now rising from anger. "What...the...._FRAG...IS THIS?!?!_" By the time he finished, he was screaming in rage, glaring at his mate who was laughing her aft off and resealing her armor over her glowing spark.

"Well, so much for _that_ idea." She giggled, standing up slowly and staring down at the large curly spring that had sprung from Ironhide's 'crotch plating'. "Don't tell me you _sprung_ a leak." She snickered, flicking the little bell on the end, and doubling over in laughter as the spring trembled and bounced back and forth, the bell ringing loudly.

Growling angrily, Ironhide jumped off the berth, ignoring the jingling of the bell and without even a _thought_ began stalking out of the room and down the hall.

It was the hysterical laughter as he entered the hangar that reminded him, and his processors sizzled dangerously as his optics locked on that of Ratchet. _**'YOU!'**_

"Hey Epps, is it me, or does Ironhide seem to have more of a spring in his step?" Will smirked.

Shooting him a look, Epps snickered. "Well he's got a spring, but it's not in his step."

"Spring has sprung." Mikeala muttered absently from Sam's side, her eyes wide as she tilted her head a little. A single step from the weapons specialist caused the bell on the end to tinkle again, and she nearly doubled over laughing.

_**'Me.'**_Swinging a wrench warningly, Ratchet smirked warningly. _**'Maybe now you'll take me more seriously'.**_

With a low growl, Ironhide looked around pointedly, trying to ignore how everyone was laughing at him. With a low sigh, he sagged in on himself. _**'Why not? It's not like anyone will ever take **_**me**_** seriously again.'**_

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Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you.

Tenshi


	8. Ironhide, Kissaft

**Disclaimer** : I don't own it. I also don't own the 'great touch' comment. That gem's all **Gixxer Pilot**'s.

**Note** : The 'hear him coming a mile away' comment was inspired by an actually totally random comment I made in reply to a review I received for 'Ironhide, My Ding-a-ling'.

**(Normal POV)**

Ratchet ground his dental plates together as he scrubbed his surgical berth soundly. For the tenth time that day. _That kiss-aft went to Optimus._ Part of him _had_ expected this, but Ratchet had hoped Optimus would simply laugh and tell Ironhide it was his own fault. _Seems like Primus only saw fit to give me half that._

On the upside, Ironhide _had_ been strictly ordered to help Jolt, and Chromia had been shipped out early to enforce that. On the downside, apparently Annabelle Lennox was on base when Ironhide went stomping around, muttering about medic Decepticons in disguise with the spring and bell... Needless to say, the girl's curiosity was peaked by his situation, his anger, and everyone's crude innuendo.

Innuendo that stopped the moment Sarah Lennox stepped into the room, screeched something at the adult men that made even Ironhide cringe, and picked up her little girl, bringing every male's attention to the toddler in the room.

_Not my fault._ He scrubbed the berth again, glowering. _I didn't expect the human sparkling, _or_ Ironhide to be daft enough to run around with a spring hanging from that section of his body._ Pausing, Ratchet thought about that a split moment and groaned with a roll of his optics. "Ok, yes that was my fault." _I should have known the glitch wouldn't think things through before acting._

A low snicker tore through the medic as he dropped the cloth and went back to rearranging his tools. "At least with that bell on, they could hear him coming a mile away."

The sound of a choke caught his attention, and he turned to find Sam whacking Mikeala on the back as the girl seemed to choke on something in her mouth. He might have been worried, if not for the shaking shoulders of the young human boy as he clearly struggled not to laugh, and the choked off giggles coming from the human girl as she finally managed to swallow her bite of food.

"Sam. Mikeala. This is a surprise." His optics narrowed. "Prime's allowing me visitors again?"

"I'm going to guess you were talking about Ironhide a moment ago, am I right?" Mikeala took a long drink from a bottle of water, still choking a little, and not even bothering with answering his question. "With the-" She snickered and winced. "Hearing him coming a mile away comment?"

Sam chuckled a little, though clearly tried to hide it behind a fake cough. "He didn't need the bell for that." He hissed and clutched at his arm, rubbing the spot his girlfriend just punched and wincing when Mikeala shot him a horrified glare. "What? It's true!"

Shuddering a little, she shot him another look before turning back to the medic. "Prime asked us to let you know Sarah's gone from the base. He's lifting your 'brig' term."

"Hey, at least he didn't lock you in the actual brig." Sam added oh-so-helpfully.

Turning a look down to the boy, one metallic optic ridge slowly rose. "_What_ actual brig?" _Unless one's been installed I don't know about._

"Huh, you know, I dunno. I thought you guys had one."

"Nope. That's what being confined to quarters is for." The medibot sighed heavily. "I should have known Ironhide would have gotten me back, but to rat me out?"

"Ahh, don't worry about it." Mikeala walked over and patted his foot. "He's just an aft-kisser."

Blinking a moment, his whole body seemed to freeze as a truly evil idea hit him. _Decepticon impersonater...? Perhaps._ A slow smirk crossed his lip plates, causing Mikeala to slowly back away in worry. "Not yet he's not." _That bot picked the wrong medic to anger._

**(Later that Day)**

"Look, I don't care if-"

"You _do_ recall _why_ you got locked in your med bay for a week, right?"

"You couldn't keep your mouth shut, yes I know. Drop it already before I get _really_ mad. Now, as I was saying-"

"I don't trust you."

_With good reason, too. _"I don't really care. Do you, or do you not want that spring removed?" A slow grin. "Or do you enjoy the added _spring_ in your step?"

A deep, threatening growl. "Shut it."

"She didn't like the surprise _sprung_ on her?"

"I'm warning you-"

"I heard her playing with it." Will popped up, cringing a little from the corner of the room. "Never thought an advanced female alien would find a bell so amusing."

"I thought it was a great touch." Epps snickered. Then exchanging a look with Will, broke out into laughter. "Literally."

"Alright. Thats it." Cannons whirled to life, and the two marines ran for their lives, laughing the entire way. A slow glare was turned the medic's way and Ironhide lifted a corner of his lip plate in an almost feral snarl. "Spring _removed_? Yes. Sickening spring puns stopped? _Primus_ yes!"

"Alright, then let's go. I don't have all day, and I _do_ have better things to do than to deal with big mouthed mechs." A roll of the optics was thrown as the medic turned his back on the black armored weapons specialist and almost sauntered away. "Well? Are you coming or not?" Suddenly, he snickered before shaking his head and walking off.

**(The Next Morning)**

Ironhide stretched, groaning as his back plates pulled slightly. Shifting a little from his left to his right foot, he looked down to check everything was in place. He almost sighed in relief when no spring was swaying back and forth from his crotch plating, but remembered at the last minute that _something_ wasn't right. The medic had been all too polite in taking the spring out, and had even sedated him so he felt no discomfort.

But he knew Ratchet well enough to know that the medic was planning something. He was almost _too_ caring about the spring removal, considering the entire base was talking about how lucky the Topkick was it wasn't scrap by this point.

_Perhaps I should tell him Optimus' orders were only for his own safety?_ Sarah had been livid, and although she understood it was a prank, a prank of_ such _a nature, around her little girl, was too much. Optimus had ordered she remain out of the med bay, and that Ratchet remain in it to keep the medical officer online. _Nah... He'd still blame me._

Shuddering a little, Ironhide slowly wandered out of his quarters, almost dreading whatever had Ratchet actually _smiling_ last night. As he wandered out of his quarters and towards the main hangar, he paused, hearing Optimus speaking to Will on the other side of the main door. His lip plates twitched slightly, and he frowned as he rubbed at them, before walking through the door.

Optimus paused and took a quick step back, barely managing to keep from colliding with Ironhide. "Oh, there you are." He nodded a little. "I believe Ratchet was asking about you earlier." His optics narrowed slightly. "He was asking if I knew how you recharged last night."

"And why would you know?"

"You moan and gripe whenever you don't?" Will muttered with an overly sweet, toothy smile, before quickly walking off.

Optimus chuckled a little, before shaking his head. "Well, either way. How _did_ you recharge?"

"Well enough considering..." Shrugging slightly, he shook his head when Optimus shot him a confused look. "Everything _seems_ to be in order, but... I don't trust this. This is _too_ quiet."

"I believe you may need a vacation from the fighting. You're becoming paranoid of your own allies." Optimus took a step to the side and forward. "See me later, and I'll set you up with some time on the far side of the island. You could use some peace and quiet."

Ironhide nodded again, rubbing as his lip plates tingled once again. He stepped to the side as Optimus made to stride past him, and went to take a step forward. Unfortunately, something completely unexpected happened.

Instead of stepping forward, Ironhide yelped slightly, staggered to the side, tripped over his own two feet, and....

....Took a nosedive right into Prime's aft.

Optimus froze, every bolt on his body going rigid, and the room went deadly quiet.

Ironhide froze as well, optics widening impossibly as he realized _what_ it was he was staring at...and apparently kissing. With a muffled shout, he struggled to pull back, his arms flailing wildly as he braced his legs and pulled.

"Ironhide..." Prime's voice was calm but deadly as he stood there rigidly. His optics were incredibly wide, but slowly began to narrow.

Behind him, Ironhide was almost silently flailing, even as an almost deafening roar took up through the room, everyone laughing at the sight before them. Reaching forward, Ironhide was about to brace his hands on Prime to give extra force when he realized he'd then be _touching_ the aft, as well as _kissing_ it, and he shuddered violently, pulling even harder while keeping his arms firmly _behind_ him.

"Iron...hide..." The voice was even lower, and slowly Prime began to look over his shoulder.

Finally giving up, Ironhide mentally kissed what was left of his dignity goodbye, before taking two good handfuls of Prime's almost non-existent aft and pushing with all his might.

Optimus gave a rather undignified yelp when he felt the grasp, and pulled away, turning as he did so.

Unfortunately, Ironhide didn't get _that_ good a grip. His lips separated for about a milisecond, before he was pulled forward and stuck once again.

"Wow, talk about planting one."

"More like taking aft-kisser to a whole new level."

Sam shot Mikeala a look. "You don't think...?"

"Yep." She nodded with a smirk. "I inspired a truly ingenious idea." She saw Prime's glare lower towards her and hurriedly held up her hands. "Not that I meant to! I was just making a totally random comment, I swear!"

Ironhide mumbled something that was so heavily muffled, not even the Autobots could decipher it, and Prime grimaced at the vibrations against his aft. "Ok, Ironhide. Very funny." He narrowed his optics and brought out his energon sword. "Now kindly remove your lip plates from my aft."

_**'I'm trying!'**_ Came the indignant reply as Ironhide began pulling once again, growling slightly and actually flipping off Prime when he had the gall to say something about the vibrations feeling very uncomfortable. _**'Try having your lips glued to your boss' aft.'**_

Prime grimaced and covered his face, his body heating from embarrassment as he shook his head. _**'Thank you but no. Really. That's ok.'**_ Switching channels, his optics narrowed even more, and energy crackled along his sword. He ignored the raucious laughter echoing through the room, and aft comments as he growled. _**'Ratchet, get your pit-spawned aft to the main hangar and undo whatever the frag it is you did, or so help me Primus-'**_

"You know, I always heard opposites attract."

"I don't think they meant _that_ way." Epps snickered as he walked into the room, doing a double take, before pulling out a small digital camera and snapping a pic.

Energy crackled along Optimus' fingertips as he eyed the camera evilly. _Must...destroy..._ He winced as Ironhide pulled, and reached back to push as hard as he could, sighing in relief when he felt Ironhide's lips pull away, only to yelp as they came back with such force he was knocked forward two steps. _Since Jolt has arrived, Ratchet really _has _become expendible._ His optics flashed red as he began to grow more and more angry, pushing at Ironhide's head as hard as he could.

_**'I'm going to offline him.'**_ Ironhide growled internally.

Optimus rolled his optics, glowering darkly at all the laughing humans and Autobots. _**'No you're not.'**_

_**'Yes I am. I'm going to slagging blast him into dust!'**_

_**'No. You're not.'**_

_**'Yes I-'**_

_**'Ironhide.'**_ The tone had _just_ enough venom to shut the weapons specialist up.

For about two seconds.

_**'Why not?'**_

_**'It's simple.'**_ Optimus tugged hard, growling when the lips attached to his aft stubbornly refused to remove themselves. _**'**_**I'm**_** going to offline him.'**_

"Wow, I've heard of sucking up to your boss, but..."

Will was already doubled over in laughter, but ended up even more so.

The soldier who'd just spoken tilted his head. "Ok, more like 'kissing up' to your boss... Or is it kissing _down_ in this case?" He frowned almost thoughtfully, though his lips trembled.

Prowl chose that exact moment to walk into the room and froze at the sight of Ironhide's lips glued to Optimus' aft. He watched as Ironhide pulled, and Prime pushed, then shut down his logistics subroutines, clicked several pictures, turned and walked out without a word. His left optic twitched slightly as he went. _At least I won the betting pool. I can't believe anyone would think Ratchet _wasn't_ going to get Ironhide back for telling on him._ Shaking his head, he mentally entered the betting pool and submitted his pictures, before returning to his office.

"Heh, love thy neighbor." Sam snickered.

Mikeala giggled as Ironhide managed to pull his lips several inches from Prime's aft, before his hold slipped and he took yet _another_ nosedive down. "Again, and again, and again." Pausing a moment, she frowned and tilted her head. "Huh, I wonder if Autobots ever have to fart."

Suddenly, the room, which was slowly quieting down, erupted into fresh waves of laughter, even as Ironhide's optics widened and he began pulling with fresh enthusiasm. Jolt leaned down and began explaining that farting was really just cycled air and gases needing a release, and people laughed harder and harder as they watched the scene before them.

Slowly, a medical search and rescue hummer drove into the room, trembling on it's tires from choked laughter, and transformed.

Optimus only shot him a dark look. _**'Just remember, I know where you recharge.'**_

Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you.

Tenshi


	9. Prowl, Snapped

**Disclaimer** : I don't own it.

**Note** : This chapter was a result of PMing back and forth with **Gixxer Pilot**, and talking about South Park and Family Guy. In the end, I'll mark this down as a request. ;)

**NOTE 2** : Ok, so... I still have ideas, but my muse is all but gone for writing them at the moment. Slowly, my muse has been turning towards other stories I've got in the works, and I've finally lost it. That does not mean there will never be anymore, it just means it might be a while before the next update.

Thank you all for sticking with me. I know this fiction was shorter than anyone expected (I still have ideas for more, though). Your comments still mean the world to me! Thank you! :)

**(Normal POV)**

Ever wonder what would happen if Prowl happened to be pranked _one_ too many times? Maybe you worried about the consequences of all his glitching.

Ratchet never really worried. As a super advanced cybernetic being from another world, the medibot knew well enough just how much Autobot processors could take. Pranks and Prowl's almost common place reaction of glitching were only slightly pushing the bar. After about the tenth prank, Ratchet began to worry Prowl _might_ just carry out his own musings about offlining both sets of twins permanently.

Other than that, however, he wasn't too worried.

Well, ok, he _was_ worried, at the moment, but Prowl was perhaps the farthest thing on his mind. There were rumors about a movie theft, and the missing Second in Command, but the medibot was certain Prowl was, at worst, hiding out in hopes the twins would completely pass by him in lieu of their latest prank.

Obviously, if you considered _who_ the usual culprits were, it wasn't hard to guess who'd stolen Epps' Family Guy movie, as well as his burned CDs of every episode known in existence.

A quick check confirmed Skids and Mudflap were still working on repaving the runway after Ironhide found _another_ glitch mouse Mikeala had tricked Ratchet into making. Well, they were at the moment repaving each other and rolling around in a tussle, but they seemed completely oblivious to the movie events going on _within_ the hangar.

_**'Ratchet to Ironhide...'**_ The medibot locked optics on the guardian of the smaller twins, and frowned. _**'Have they been left alone, for even a moment?'**_

One black optic ridge slowly elevated as Ironhide gazed back steadily. _**'Not one. I've been bored off my aft with babysitting duty. When's shift change?'**_

_**'You mean when does Optimus decide to punish another bot?**_' Ratchet countered, smirking a little. _**'I have no idea. I think he was in hiding, himself. Him **_**and**_** Prowl.'**_

There was a small huff, before Ironhide walked over and hauled the twins off each other, glaring at them and speaking lowly. When he put them back down, his cannons appeared, gave a brief whirl, and then disappeared again, and the twins eagerly got back to work. _**'Smart bots. Just make sure someone gets sent out here. Much more, and I might just offline them **_**for**_** Prowl.'**_

A small chuckle was his only response as the yellow bot ducked back into the main hangar, looking around and frowning. _Arcee triplets wouldn't bother stealing. They'd ask. Bumblebee's out with Sam and Mikeala. Jolt was in my office last I checked, and he's too quiet to suddenly steal a movie out of nowhere... The Chevy twins are with Ironhide, Optimus is in his office...._

That more or less left Prowl, Sunstreaker and Sideswipe.

Sighing lowly, Ratchet mentally cursed, knowing there was a connection with why those three bots were currently unaccounted for. Switching internal channels, Ratchet strode through the hangar. _**'Ratchet to Prowl, do you read? Can you tell me where you are?'**_

Silence.

Pausing mid-step, Ratchet blinked, and his frown grew. _**'Prowl? Do you read me?'**_ He changed channels again after more silence. _**'Optimus, do **_**you**_** read me?'**_ Allowing a hint of annoyance to creep into his tone, Ratchet stepped out the other side of the hangar and looked to the distant hangars. Most were being used to house the newest Autobots, and most of _those_ had their doors open. In fact, all but one had their doors open.

_**'I'm here, old friend. I take it something's up?'**_

Lip plates trembled slightly. _**'Yes. The sky.'**_

_**'Smartaft.'**_

Chuckling a little, Ratchet began walking across the base, heading towards the single hangar with it's door closed. He ran over a mental schematic within his processors and frowned slightly. "That hangar's supposed to be empty. Well, other than storage." _**'Have you heard from Prowl lately? I can't seem to get a hold of him, and it's not like him not to answer.'**_

There was silence on the line a moment, and Ratchet briefly wondered if Optimus was either going to disappear as well, or sound a full scale alarm. Prowl was always prompt in responding to any and all hails, but if he'd simply and accidentally damaged or switched off his communications systems, he might easily have missed the calls. Then, Prime sighed.

_**'I see. This is unusual, however, I passed him in hangar 5 several hours ago. I believe he was going on a thorough search of the entire base for the missing DVDs.'**_ There was a small chuckle, and Ratchet spun to find Optimus walking towards him. "We both know he can occasionally lose himself in his searches."

"Very true. Hm... Should we split up and look for him anyways?"

Looking around the base, Optimus pursed his lip plates thoughtfully, before pausing. "No need." He gestured vaguely.

Turning around, Ratchet raised an optic ridge to see Prowl staggering out of the supposedly empty hanger, a small oil drum in his hand and a dazed look in his optics. Behind him, the 'Vette twins walked out of the hangar.

"Oh Primus, why do I suddenly have a _very_ bad feeling?" Ratchet shuttered his optics and pinched the bridge of his nose, before hearing an identical sigh, turning as he onlined his optics and snickering a little. "I've been hanging around you too long."

Optimus onlined his optics and blinked, before taking in their almost identical reactions to the situation. He chuckled lowly, glancing towards the gate and waving as Bumblebee arrived, transforming and lifting Mikeala and Sam into his hands before walking over. "Sam. Mikeala. I take it you had a good day?"

Ratchet nodded at the humans, not even pausing to listen to what they had to say before turning back to watching as Prowl seemed to hesitate. He watched as the Second in Command turned to him, blinked, and then looked around, as if expecting something. _**'Prowl?'**_

The black and white bot turned to him a moment, before raising an optic ridge. _**'Just waitin' for my breakfast....'**_ He tapped his free hand on his hip absently, looking around. Seemingly realizing what he'd just said, he frowned and shook his head a little, the faintest trail of smoke issuing forth.

Ratchet blinked. "Breakfast?" He took in the questioning gaze from Optimus, and the way the twins were walking away casually. _Too_ casually. He growled lowly. "Slagging glitch-ridden twin terrors of Unicron..." He swore quietly, glaring at Bumblebee who mocked gasped, and Optimus who snickered quietly. _What're they up to now...?_

"Ratchet!"

Jumping a little, Ratchet turned to find Prowl staring at him, almost expectantly. "What?" He called back, slightly.

Prowl blinked again, his head twitching a little. "Slagging....twins..." His head smoked a tiny bit. _**'They tied me to a chair and made me watch hours of 'Family Guy'.'**_ He twitched again. _**'How is it they're never punished severely enough to make them stop? It's like they can do whatever they want!!'**_ The second in command's voice seemed to get higher and higher as he went. There was a low growl. "Well if they can do anything they want, then so can I!"

Snapping the top off his can of.... Upon scanning it, Ratchet felt his optics widen. "Prowl, _no_!" He lunged forward, but paused when he realized it was too late.

Prowl tipped the can up, then lowered it as he swallowed his sip. "Mmm... Dear _Primus_ that's good!" He tilted his head back, pausing only to twitch again, before chugging the entirety of the can.

"What's he drinking...?" Optimus' wary voice floated over to Ratchet.

The medibot sighed loudly. "Extremely highly refined energon. The high, _high_ grade stuff."

Throwing the can down, Prowl looked around, his optics impossibly wide and bright. "Suddenly, I want to run!" He grinned excitedly at Ratchet. "Chase me! Ahahahahahahaha Ahahahaha Ahahahahaha Aha!" He began laughing giddily and running in massive circles back and forth, gayly jumping over humans and dodging planes as he went.

Everyone's jaws dropped, and humans and Autobots alike didn't seem to know whether to laugh or run for their lives.

"Ahaha Ahahahahahahahahahaha Ahahahahahahahaha!" Prowl kept running in circles, his arms in the air as he laughed loudly, sending a lot of his audience into fits of hysterics. "Ahahahahaha! Ahahahahaha! Ahaha!"

Ratchet twitched minutely, his lip plates trembling. He saw out of the corner of his optic, Bumblebee doubled over, struggling to hold the giggling humans even as he laughed himself. Optimus wasn't much better, though there was a somewhat disturbed look in his optics.

"Ahahahahahahahahaha!" Prowl suddenly skidded to a stop and seemed to sag in on himself, his optics dulling as well as his facial expression. "Ohh, now I'm sad." His optics suddenly blinked off, and he promptly fell over backwards.

For the longest moment everyone was frozen solid. The 'Vette twins were frozen at the far side of the storage hangar, their optics impossibly wide in shock and their jaws swaying in the wind.

_**'You two-'**_

_**'It wasn't us!'**_ Sides held up his hands in defence. _**'I mean, we **_**did**_** tie him up and make him watch hours of Family Guy, but that's it.'**_ He blinked. _**'Well slag. He pulled a 'Stewie's First Soda'!'**_

_**'He did it.'**_ Sunstreaker took a single step back, his optics wide with fright. _**'The old fragger finally snapped!'**_

"What...the...._hell_ was that about?" Will gasped, his own eyes wide.

Epps snickered, and then busted up laughing once again. "Stewie's...first....soda.... Oh, man! At least now I know where my Family Guy movie went!" He laughed even harder.

Shaking his head, Ratchet warily edged towards the offlined bot, his medic programming warring with his survival instinct. _**'Jolt, get your aft out here.'**_ He sent coordinates. _**'We've got a situation.'**_ Edging closer, Ratchet blinked and then carefully prodded the still form with his foot, before running scans over the body. He sighed a little, before shaking his head. _**'Never again do we allow Prowl near the high grade, I don't care what the situation.'**_ He called to Optimus, before kneeling down to begin his examination.

Hope you like it.

R+R please.

Thank you.

Tenshi


End file.
